Poetry, Prose, and Dedications
Poetry
Hope
Every time I fall, I fail
I cry, I cringe a little inwards
Every time I hurt, I yearn
I cry, I shrink into my shell
Then a new day dawns
I pick myself up, square my shoulders
I straighten my back and take a deep sigh
The light inside me won’t allow me
It won’t allow me to break
The fire, a mere flame
Burns to an inferno, for another chance
I get up and charge on.
The night can take away
Only what the day cannot bring.
Thus I make my day a sturdy bed
That the night will have me rest on.
Go forth, make each day count
For what is life, if not the time machine
That gives you twenty four hours
To make it right, to try again
You know you can, only if you will it to
You know you will, only if you take that step
Look within you, for just the answers
Look behind you, for just the don’ts
Look ahead, for just the path
Look above you, for the grace
Prose
This is my story
The book of life,
Everyone believes they can write one on theirs
And they should coz it means they’ve lived it to its fullness
I can write one on mine or several
Each chapter of my life would be a book
Each person I met or each event, a chapter
Because each segment of my 47 years has had sadness and happiness
tragicomedies and horror
Loss and new beginnings.
This book of mine
A tribute to the gift of life
Apology
I’ve realized that people use their ego as a defense mechanism, to protect themselves against things they cannot comprehend or handle.
Quite often a simple “I’m sorry” to them, appeases their ego and helps them more forward.
Are we as fragile as our egos?
Does watching someone profusely apologize satisfy a sadistic egotistical -beast within us?
Do we let ourselves be a slave to a self-endorsing persona?
Are we imprisoned by this darkness within that engulfs intellect and emotional intelligence?
Do we not understand the difference between ego and self dignity?
How can we broaden our horizons and see beyond ourselves to reach a point of pure humanity?
Does another‘s act of kindness to you make you feel that you are not as nice or does it catalyze a need to pass it forward?
Does our inability to do something naturally trigger a feeling of self worthlessness or do we accept our limitations and carry forth?
You are beautiful
Our feeling of being beautiful often requires validation by others - in words, expressions, reactions, photographs, etc.
We see ourselves as the world perceives is and not how we truly look.
I often feel that we don’t have one image. We have many.
We look way in the reflection in our mirror.
We look another way in other people ‘s eyes, each person sees us differently.
We look another way in photographs.
It all boils down to how we carry ourselves. The inner you is always projected in the surface.
You are beautiful no matter what. Hair flailing around or tied to severity, in rags or velvets, with an unblemished facial visage or skin-au-naturalé.
Your true beauty is your courage, your will to survive and excel, being a lighthouse to yourself and others in stormy seas of tribulations.
Make your inner-self the focus and the outer-you will shine like the aura of angels
Dedications
Hello 2020
There is a saying
“Just because the past taps you at the shoulder, doesn’t mean you have to look back”.
I’m on that journey of reflections of the days gone by on the days ahead.
Yes, I know, everyone has finished doing this and we are well into the new year. But all good things take time.
I would like to reflect with gratitude, humility, kindness and perhaps a pat on the back.
2019 was a tumultuous year with a few good, some bad and brief moments of the uglies!
When the people we truly love and care for experience any of those moments, we stand by them and we make it ours as well.
Last year brought ebbs and flows in my 2019 journey. It wasn’t a year. It was a chapter. Sub chapters revealing losses and findings.
My daughter Rhea graduated with a brilliant radiance reflecting her strengths and future paths. A momentous sub chapter. I have a 19 year old daughter and she is ready to begin her journey! A flow!!
I lost my job and felt cheated of the appreciation and rewards my hardwork and diligence deserved. I found a job as a freelancer doing what I love with people who appreciate intelligence and dedication. An ebb to a flow!
My son traveled to US with his school troop and returned more confident and ready to face his future. A flow!!
In the past year, I finally faced my grief of losing my 2 best friends, my sister Mickey and my friend Lalitha.
Blessings
“We wish you sunshine and rainbows
Maybe even a leprechaun with his pot of Gold;
We wish you smiles and laughter
Maybe even when dark clouds threaten to loom;
We wish you love and support
Maybe even through times when you feel you can get through it on your own;
Above all we wish you a day to remember and year to recollect with pure joy and comfort.”
Why can’t I remember?
I remember your smile, the way your eyes crinkled around the corners
I remember your long brown hair, as you brushed it night after night
I remember watching you talk, but I cannot remember the sounds, your voice
Why can’t I remember?
I remember the way you looked at me, how it made me feel
I remember the way you taught me, I learned without knowing I was
I remember the lessons, but I cannot remember the sounds, your voice
Why can’t I remember?
I remember the laughter we shared, the jokes and the silly puns
I remember the train journeys, how you focused on my joys and comfort
I remember those last two months with you, but I cannot remember the sounds, your voice
Why can’t I remember?
I remember the musical voyage, the different genres you introduced me to
I remember the myriad of books, the way you showed me the joys of reading
I remember the feeling of utter contentment, but I cannot remember the sounds, your voice
Why can’t I remember?
I remember the fascinating souls that crossed your path and altered your life,
I remember your animated interactions with them, the way you looked and spoke
I remember your quirky mannerisms and ardent lingo, but I cannot remember the sounds, your voice
Why can’t I remember?
I never imagined I would be sentenced to a life without you in it
I never thought that I would not hear your voice again
I think of you always, but I cannot remember the sounds, your voice
Why can’t I remember?
I remember the dreams, vivid images of you when you were no more
I remember reaching out to you and you turned to answer
I listened and understood but I could not hear you,
Is it because I cannot remember the sounds, your voice?
Why can’t I remember?
My world went quiet the night you left me, a silence in my mind and soul
Those one thousand four hundred sixty hours you'd gifted me is my treasure, my own
Each memory like a different tune and rhythm in my soul song
A sound that reverberated through 20 years of my life
I want to remember and never forget your voice, but
Why can’t I remember?
My Amaranthine
You were my mirror, shining back at me with a world of possibilities
You were my witness, who’d seen me at my worst and my best and loved me anyway
You were my partner in crime, my midnight companion
Someone who knew when I was smiling, even in the dark
You were my teacher, my defense attorney, my personal press agent
Even many times, my shrink
You were my music pandit, my literally guru
My go-to-sister
I still yearn to reminiscence together our childhood memories
Our grown-up dreams and our crazy chaos
If I could pull down the rainbow, I would write your name on it and put it back in the sky
I would scream up at the heavens and say how colorful my life was with a sister like you
I would beg the heavens to have you with me
Here and now and forevermore
Instead, I pray everyday for the blissful calm of your soul
Your celestial reincarnation into our lives
2017
Behind the smiles
They say there is a reason
They say that time will heal
But neither time nor reason
Will change the way we feel
For no one knows the heartache
That lies behind our smiles
No one knows how many times
We have broken down and cried
We want to tell you something
So there won’t be any doubt
You are so wonderful to think of
But so hard to be without
2018
To my Menopausal-Warriors!
You can’t get out of bed
A part of you knows
Today, like yesterday,
Is like a weight around your ankles,
Metallic spiky thorn-like chains
That inexplicable engulfing-sadness
With its jaws of loneliness and depression
like it did yesterday and the years before.
You wonder “how much more?”
You fought the first few wars of puberty, pregnancy and childbirth
Menopause is just it’s evil sibling - the last battle
You wonder “how much more?”
Fellow-Soldier, You are not alone in this
Take heart in knowing that you fight
Along with many women, strangers albeit,
In this ‘Great Hormonal War’
Leading us into our final stages of womanhood!
You wonder “how much more?”
They say that life after menopause is true paradise - it’s blissful!
A time when you will finally
Spread your silver wings with its gold flecked-tips
Stretching yourself to meet the skies
Fully embracing the sheer greatness of womanhood!
Until then - today, and everyday
I wish you a
Happy & Blissful Women’s Day !
— From and by a fellow-Warrior
Merly Mathews [2020]